By Helena Mendez from the presentation given at the Diversity in Construction & Engineering – Women in Leadership on March 2019
“Doubt kills more dreams than failure will ever will” Suzy Kassem
I am here to tell you a story that talks about the limitations that we create around our pursuit of professional success and the importance of understanding what we are doing to celebrate our accomplishments.
The story is about myself: I was born and raised in Venezuela, a beautiful country that is, unfortunately, facing a very difficult political, social and economic crisis, but that is a topic to cover on another occasion. I just wanted to make you aware that I am indeed an immigrant in case you find grammar spellings, know that I am doing my best.
My life there was simple. I was a regular girl who loved daydreaming. My dad used to tell me that I was always distracted imagining things that may never happen and that I needed to concentrate more if I wanted to achieve big goals. Despite what it was perceived as lack of attention I managed to become one of the top students at the end of my senior year in high school, to the point of being selected to give the speech on our graduation day. I remember not understanding why I had been chosen. Out of at least 5 top female students, WHY ME?. That was the first time that I met my Inner Critic
I clearly remember all of the thoughts that came to my mind while I was preparing the speech. What do I even have to say? Who do I think I am? Why would anybody be interested in listening to me? Who gave me permission to do this? And many many more… I think you get the idea
Along with these thoughts came the emotions. I felt: Fear, Shame, Doubt. The same feelings that rise to the surface every now and then, mostly when I am about to do something new.
I started to avoid the topic and thinking, what if I can call in sick? Or what if I just don’t attend my graduation, in the end, it is just a “formality”, right?. But, no, I had to face this so I continued. I did attend and did the speech. I remember being on stage feeling very anxious and I kept thinking about all the different catastrophic situations that could happen while I was up there that will make me look less, ignorant, not smart enough. What if I fall from the stairs? What if my voice is not coming through? What are they going to think about me? Trust me, all of these thoughts made me feel sick. It is definitely a very unpleasant sensation.
But I overcame them, I pushed through and I made it. I remember receiving very positive feedback from a lot of people (sure your family will always support you, right?) but I thought, “Yes, well they are just telling me that so I don’t feel bad about myself.” But the reality was that I DID IT, I crushed my fears, I got out of my comfort zone and I made it. And that was HUGE, it was definitely something worth celebrating right? Except that I didn’t. I did not see a single reason to celebrate. Instead, I kept beating myself up for whatever I perceived I did wrong
I used to also think (and I still catch myself thinking): I just did what I was supposed to do and I don’t need to stop and celebrate. What I need to do is to get on to my next assignment and when I’m done that then maybe I will celebrate.
So I continued.
I went to university and I obtained a Bachelor in Architecture and right after that without stopping I did the Masters in Construction Management, which I completed with honors while working full-time and starting my married life. I did not attend what was supposed to be my third graduation and I did not celebrate, because you know, I needed to work and besides I was planning to leave my country so I had too many things to be worried about and no time for that. Excuses!
In 2012, I left Venezuela to come to Canada with my husband, 4 suitcases, a lot of dreams and fears, too. Once here, I had to start from scratch. After a month of looking for a job, I was hired as a Drafter (although my resume was showing 4 years of experience as an architect and construction management). Nothing bad about the role but let’s face it, at that point in my career that was an entry-level position for me. But I took it, with pride. I did my best.
As an immigrant, getting this first job so quickly was quite an achievement, it was a relief because I was going to be able to provide for my family, that was a win but, I did not stop to celebrate. I had to wait. The thoughts of not being “there yet’ or not knowing what I was doing, or not making a big deal out of that, followed me.
I was on a construction site dealing with a very challenging team in a large infrastructure project in Toronto worth 3.2 billion dollars. I worked there for about one year and a half, I made good memories and I gained friends but I kept overthinking and worrying too much about my knowledge (or lack thereof) and my performance. I couldn’t avoid comparing myself with other women and men that seemed more intelligent and confident.
If that wasn’t enough emotional stress I was desperately wondering what my next step will be, what would I do after this job? Where would I go? Who would hire me? Which led me to think that I needed to start again but at the same time I had the feeling of being ready for the next challenge. And again, I pushed through my fears
Amongst many options I applied to a large Canadian construction company for a Project Coordinator position, they read my resume and responded that they did not have positions that fit my expertise. But I persisted and I continued looking for other jobs until a few weeks later I was actually hired by them but as a VDC Coordinator, an area in which I did not feel I had any expertise whatsoever. After a few months into my role, I was sent on an assignment to Winnipeg where I worked on a 2.8billion dollars Civil project and from there my career just catapulted. I rapidly moved up the “corporate ladder” gaining more experience and responsibilities by executing different roles. I went from Coordinator to Manager on a project, to Regional Manager of Civil Projects to Director of Operations for Buildings and civil Projects, to my current position: VDC National Director, covering all projects across Canada where we are implementing digital tools.
This is my journey, a demonstration of the possibilities that we can find on the other side of our fears.
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All of this happened in a span of 6 years and I need to confess something: I had not yet stopped to Celebrate until Today. I want to take a moment to say with pride that all of these achievements are Mine, which are the results of my dedication and consistency. Of seeking the opportunities and taking them despite my fears and insecurities. My success is the result of working on my personal development and professionally evolving by taking chances in this commonly known “male-dominated industry” but where I have only experienced support and recognition.
Today, with this story, I invite you all to identify your limiting beliefs, that voice inside the head that likes to remind us all of the reasons why we are unworthy, or not ready, or not good enough, or not smart enough and to make peace with it. Understanding that these thoughts cannot be excuses to stop pursuing your dreams. Give yourself the credit and focus on small victories. Reward yourself so you can feel empowered and you can clearly see where you are moving towards. The construction industry is extremely competitive but also full of new opportunities and we need to be brave enough to quiet our minds and unapologetically go take what we want
As humans, we are conditioned to move onto the next goal rather than celebrating our wins but one thing that I have learned is that if I always feel as a Beginner I will never go after the big things. So, let’s allow ourselves the joy of small wins and Celebrate them!!
Thank you